Miss you Mom

This is becoming a sad day. I was just sitting here reading everyones posts and I couldn't help but think that its almost one year ago that my mom past away. Its funny how no matter how mad you are at someone or hate the things that they do to themselves, that once they are gone it all goes away(the anger). Then you just are filled with the most wonderful love and wishing you could just spend one more day with them. Autumn said to me about three nights ago, when we were talking about summer and how we were going to have to get new clothes for everyone, that she would like Grandma to make her some more clothes. I reminded her that Grandma wasn't here anymore and she said she knew but couldn't I make them like Grandma? I didn't realize until today that I wish I could spend more time with her and after a year (almost) Its starting to hit me. Sometimes I think I would give my right arm if I could just spend one more day with her. I cant count how many times my mom tried to show me how to sew. Now it just shows me that everyone needs family even if you don't like their lifestyle to bad you only get one family and when they live close , you have NO excuse why you shouldn't see them more often, then you do. I have been closer to Teri and Shawn this year then ever before and I wouldn't change that for anything. I saw my dad at Thanksgiving and it was very wonderful(a little colder than I thought but still fun). My cousin just found out shes pregnant with twins(I knew someone was having them, Mom told me it was our generation, I guess she was right) and will be coming out to Utah soon so her husband can go to school. I hope that we can get together more than once while they are here. Her sister may be coming so there might be a good chance of that. I haven't seen my aunt since the funeral, once again my fault, just seems like Ive been going 500 mph. I'm not sure when cleaning the house and doing laundry became priorities to me over spending time with my family the one I made and the one I was born into. I think my New Years Resolution this year should be see the people you love more often than holidays and not worry about the 10 lbs I put on(I mean if I did put on 10 lbs which I'm not saying I did but you get it)(closer to 15 instead according to my scale which just got donated). I love my family and I think hopefully soon I would like to get my mom her stone and go up and see it delivered and put some much needed flowers on my moms grave. I would like to think if shes looking at us that she would be happy knowing we are ok and doing well. I miss you mom and wish you were here.

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